Human connection is more than a nice-to-have
In the next essay in our "I believe" series, I share how the pandemic informed my belief in humans' inherent need for connection.
“The need for connection and community is primal, as fundamental as the need for air, water and food.”
—Dean Ornish
I believe we need each other. I believe we need human connection and a sense of community. I believe these things are essential to not just our individual physical, mental and emotional well-being, but for the health of society more broadly.
And I believe that nothing quite bears this out like the Covid-19 pandemic.
It wasn’t until a year after the start of the pandemic, in the spring and summer of 2021, that people really began to spend time together, in numbers, in public spaces again. By that time, most students had returned to the classroom, and by 2022, some workers were returning to the office — but it would be another year before companies began mandating their return.
Yet, it took mere months to realize the detrimental effects of our both forced and willful isolation – especially among children.
By the summer of 2020, studies were already revealing that children’s mental health was deteriorating. Disruptions to both their educational experience and their social lives — and the impact of being stuck at home, sometimes in challenging family situations, without peer support — caused significant emotional distress. Rates of anxiety and depression skyrocketed; CDC data from mid-2020 indicated that the kids were, in fact, not all right, with a sharp increase in mental health-related emergency room visits for children, particularly adolescents.
The impact of not being in the classroom was also clear in students’ learning. One analysis showed that seven out of eight early studies found clear evidence of learning loss between March 2020 and March 2021. Disengaged from their school work and their teachers, students’ reading and math scores dropped – and continued to for years afterward. Additionally, young children in particular faced challenges with communication and emotional regulation as a result.
But the varying negative effects of this prolonged isolation weren’t reserved to children.
While my husband and I were fortunate that our daughter’s daycare remained open during most of that time, we were ourselves starved for connection with the outside world. Thus, we began a weekly ritual: Every Thursday, as soon as we put our daughter to bed, we’d grab a six pack and some lawn chairs and join our neighbors on our separate front porches. For hours, separated by a patch of English ivy and a crumbling walkway, we’d chat about our day and jobs and life – and anything that came to mind – contemplating, laughing, debating and often drinking way too much.
We weren’t alone. Many others found ways to connect during this otherwise lonely time. Birthday drive-bys, distanced backyard barbecues, drive-in movies and, yes, porch beers — proving that connectedness is not something we can easily go without. That it’s something we crave and even need.
That need is not just emotional, but also mental, physical, intellectual and spiritual. We need a community of people to share our thoughts and experiences with, to bounce ideas off of, to help us think critically and reflect, to build empathy, to learn and to grow. To laugh, share stories and support each other.
We need each other in order to be reminded of our common humanity.
And I believe that when we avoid others, whether out of fear, anxiety, ego or indifference, we harm ourselves and society. The immediate result is often loneliness, anxiety and depression. The ultimate result is the dehumanization of others and the cultivation of antisocial thoughts and behaviors, including violence.
The pandemic exposed an unflattering side of humanity at an already polarized time, perpetuating the growing practice of “othering,” over seeing people for the imperfect humans they are.
We are not meant to live like that — isolated in our homes, crouched behind screens, communicating through keystrokes, hurling insults at each other from a safe distance, stuck in our own small echo chambers. The longer we retreat within our homes and within ourselves, the more difficult it becomes to step outside. But for our sanity and our society, we must force ourselves to go beyond our screens — to see and be a part of the wider world, to be among other people, to engage face-to-face, to feel awkward and vulnerable. To feed our need for human connection.
How did the pandemic affect your understanding of the need for connection? Please share your thoughts below.
“Electric communication will never be a substitute for the face of someone who with their soul encourages another person to be brave and true.”
—Charles Dickens
